The art of seduction: flirting 101

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Your hair is looking good. You got a minty fresh breath. You’re rocking your best outfit and your mojo is boiling. The music hits and you swagger your way to that good-looking piece of meat on the dance floor. Time to turn up the heat with some sex appeal.
“Hey baby, wanna dance?”
“Sorry, I’m not into you.”
Wait, what? How did this happen? What’s going on?!

Not to fear, science is here! Stop wasting your time with superficial accessories to attract a mate. What you need is a bit of physics 101 to put you back on the map. The first thing you need to do is ease your way into their personal space. You may want to make sure their viscosity level is low enough to penetrate, so have a stick ready to poke. When you’re up close, ride their body to the beat, going faster every couple of seconds. The friction you create will increase the heat between you two and spark a flame. Of course you don’t want to lose that heat, so build a container with thermally insulated walls to create an adiabatic process to contain it. The rise in temperature may increase their resistance. What you want to do then is to wrap them up in copper or aluminium to allow the electrical current to pass easily from your body to theirs.

If you’ve come this far then there is little that can ruin your chances, save perhaps chaos theory which is always unpredictable. You can help Fate seal the deal by taking charm quarks instead of mints, though where you’ll buy them is beyond me. And then of course there are the magical words that anyone should know before stepping up to the plate. “Hey baby, you must be packing a lot of mass because I’m feeling some attraction between us!” If that doesn’t get them, this will:
“Did it hurt?”
“Did what hurt?”
“When the stars exploded and hurled your fabulous atoms across the galaxy to Earth.”

There. I’ve done all I can to help you. If you don’t succeed now you’re just plain old ugly!

 

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About Quantum Gag

Just someone trying to understand the world around me and sharing it with others.
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3 Responses to The art of seduction: flirting 101

  1. Another good piece. I wish I’d seen it forty years ago.

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